And we had another "discussion" tonight, about the fact that I butt in on conversations, or communications, when I feel there is a hang-up. As in, when he questions a random vendor or street-person, which we do often, but seems to press just a littttle too long when to me it's obvious the person is unconfortable because he or she does not know a spit of English. Maybe that's my tourist's guilt coming through. But when it happens, or when his sentence trails off and an English-speaker even fails to understand what he's driving at after a few repeats (most are not native English-speakers but even the ones that are!) I can't help but feel the need to jump in and clarify, smooth over the complication, the road-block, spit out the word, the phrase that is not coming across or whisper urgently "He doesn't speak English!" And I do this often! With all people! The smoothing, the pacifying of conflict! But he can't stand it. He takes it a personal assault, and I'm trying, honestly trying to understand his point of view and decide if what I'm doing is a violation, and it makes him upset so I guess it is.
Yet when I find myself in a near head-on collision, cruising down the right side, the wrong side, of the road, and he calls out, "Get on the left side!" I am beaming grateful! My life's been saved. I suppose it's different. Not life or death, but I can't wrap my head around it yet.
But also, instead of updating all our current and latest endeavors and adventures (which are a lot!) I've just read a big lot of Allison's blog and have had a beer and am feeling weepy-eyed without surely knowing why.
I miss Allison and I love her and feel this way a lot when I remember I love her, as when I remember how much I love other crucial Christ-figures in my life and fail to show it, and the hard thing is maybe, hearing about what joy she's making, is that I know she's learning that she doesn't need me, that she can do it alone, travel or otherwise, and maybe that's part of it. Another part is I see the joy she's making on her own, and I think, what is this silly arguing Kyle and I do and I've done and are doing! Why?! What for!? What are we missing in its place??
But. And it is a fat, surly but, at the same time, I'm realizing as I write this that the thing of it is, the difference is that seeing what I'm seeing while paired with someone like Kyle who I have not known immeasurable years and who is not a twin-self like Allison, and with whom there does exist conflicts and discrepencies, is that I am learning things of the self. I am of course also seeing things of the world, but it really seems the biggest thing is the learning of the self, in ways that maybe can't happen without conflict and argument and (seemingly) time-wasteful debates. I have already begun to learn the value of that wise Buddha's smile, which I have seen but never seen before this trip. And who knows what else awaits.
Hopefully there'll be time tomorrow to tell of happenings and get things aligned and ready school-wise for my return.
For now, I must finish this beer and let loose my cares away!
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